Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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