I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
