i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
