The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
