Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
