Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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