Did you just see the Batmobile???
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You ruined the universe
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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