yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
someone owes me an orgasm
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
