Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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