I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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