i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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