i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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