she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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