OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You left your phone here
Wait...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
