you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
