Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
