But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
