I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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