We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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