If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
