We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Church boner. Awkwardddd
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
NoShamevember. You game?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
