he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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