dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
