My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My life is pants optional.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
