did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My boob is missing a layer of skin
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
