around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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