Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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