Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
