Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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