So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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