Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
