Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Green mimosas i think yes
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
