you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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