exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
