piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
