Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
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