She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
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