You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Can you bring me the toilet please
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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