hell yes lets make some ravioli
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
