I cockslap morals
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
