saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
This is my gift to your gina
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
