Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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