Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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