Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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