That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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