I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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