The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
