I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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