I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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