did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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