So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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