She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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