My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
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my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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