I wanna bring you to show and tell
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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