I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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