You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
