from now on my penis is your penis
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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