You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you traded sex for a burrito?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
