Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
