I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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