if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
