THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
