About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
