Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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