Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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