i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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