oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
