Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
