Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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