Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
