when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
