so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
