I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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