After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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